Thursday, April 06, 2006


The Japanese have what could be called an "interesting" grammatical structure, but could also be called "confusing", "random", "bogus" or "evil". To truly understand this, let's examine the differences between Japanese and English grammar.

English Sentence:
Jane went to the school.

Same Sentence In Japanese:
School Jane To Went Monkey Apple Carbeurator.

Japanese grammer is not for the faint of heart or weak of mind. What's more, the Japanese also do not have any words for "me", "them", "him, or "her" that anyone could use without being incredibly insulting (the Japanese word for "you", for example, when written in kanji, translates to"I hope a monkey scratches your face off"). Because of this, the sentence "He just killed her!" and "I just killed her!" sound exactly the same, meaning that most people in Japan have no idea what is going on around them at any given moment. You are supposed to figure these things out from the "context", which is a German word meaning "you're screwed".
-So you want to learn Japanese...

Well then.

By public demand, a de-spin.
Hounen Matsuri is a fertility festival celebrated every year on March 15th in Japan. The most well-known of these festivals takes place in the town of Komaki, just north of Nagoya City. Hounen means rich harvest in Japanese, while a matsuri is a festival or holiday. The Hounen festival and ceremony celebrate the blessings of a bountiful harvest and all manner of prosperity and fertility.

The festival's main features of interest are shinto priests playing musical instruments, a parade of ceremonially-garbed participants, all-you-can-drink sake, and a 280 kg (620 pound), 2.5 meter (96 inch)-long wooden phallus. The wooden phallus is carried from a shrine called Shinmei Sha on a large hill, to another shrine called Tagata Jinja.
-Wikipedia, Hounen Matsuri
[...] it is easy to think that it is the phallus that is being worshipped. This is not the case. Each of the hundreds of objects in the shrine buildings are essentially offerings to the enshrined deity, and are venerated as such. In the past, the shrine often lended these phalluses to those in need, for example a couple wishing to conceive, an individual searching for a suitable spouse, or to cure childhood illnesses.

However what the veneration is about though is the worship of a feminine deity. The kami is female and embodies fertility and fecundity. Not far from Tagata shrine there is another place of worship called Ogata (Oogata) Jinja, where the objects are representative of female genitalia. In an agricultural community, the sacred feminine was worshipped, and the rituals that have survived to this day at the Tagata shrine were celebrations of this, conducted in order to ensure bountiful agricultural harvests, regeneration and renewal as well as human birth. In this way the Hounen matsuri is similar to other fertility rituals around the world. Hounen means bountiful year. The festival is held March 15th because spring is the time of regeneration where seeds sprout and dormant trees and plants that seem to be dead come back to life.
-The Yamagata Institute, Tagata Jinja Hounen Matsuri
So, yeah, the main purpose of the festival isn't photographing girls riding on giant penii. Of course when viewed from a western perspective it will seem a bit strange, since anything associated with sexuality has been supressed and beaten down in the western world.


Jonas said...

“…English Sentence:
Jane went to the school.

Same Sentence In Japanese:
School Jane To Went Monkey Apple Carbeurator…”

It’s pretty obvious to me that classes in school were originally taught by monkeys. The students had to bring an apple to the monkey so it wouldn’t get angry and the building was obviously an old carbeurator factory. The sentence structure pretty much proves that Yoda is Japanese, or rather that Japanese originates from Yoda visiting earth at some point.

”... and a 280 kg (620 pound), 2.5 meter (96 inch)-long wooden phallus...”
Oh s**t! That’s almost as big as my d**k!
Actually, a lot of Japanese aren’t ever aware of this but originally the phallus was in fact a big black guy that floated ashore on a banana crate. When he died they started building these massive poles instead.

Ainu said...

I have read that "If you wan't to study Japanese" -thingy. There were in my opinion few good jokes.. but overall, it was boring.

I'm sure that Yoda is Japanese.
It's really nice to see more and more Japansese things in Star Wars.

I have a book about penises... It has been a party favourite. All sorts of details gathered in it. Hounen matsuri is there. Though I learned now much more about it. Thanks.

Jonas said...

Isn't it interesting that in Star Wars they used asian accents for the "bad guys" (in the latest films anyway)? For some reason asian accents sound evil I guess.

Is it that penis-origami book? It shows how you can create different figures with your schlong. I saw it in suomalainen Kirjakauppa once.

D-M.A. said...

I'm not sure if Yoda is Japanese, but it's not impossible. His teachings has a very close relationship to the teachings we today refer to as Buddism.
Ya know, all that jealousy leads to anger, anger leads to hate yadi yada blah blah...

Jonas said...

I thought it was "anger leads to frustration, frustration leads to masturbation and masturbation is the path to the dark side"...

Which is probably why my right hand is totally black.

Ainu said...


The book has a banana on the cover.

Jacke said...

"I'm not sure if Yoda is Japanese, but it's not impossible."

I guess it would explain his size...